break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
