Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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