Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He felt like a one man threesome
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
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He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
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That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize