You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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