Your mouth is God's brothel.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
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dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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