I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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