Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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