You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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