I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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