You're my little dorito
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
