I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
