My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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