Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We are all done wearing pants today
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
