Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
