I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
