Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
