Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
