I'm so fucking centered right now
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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