SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Houston, we have a blender
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
