i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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