I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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