u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I need to sanitize my soul.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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