More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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