I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
