margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
