Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
