You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
