Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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