Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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