I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
