i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
