You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
