found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
my shit smells like andre
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
