There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize