We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
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I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
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Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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