Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
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We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
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Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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