hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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