is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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