Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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