Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
