saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Drunk is not a location!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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