I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Randomize
