nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
