we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
