8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
