I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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