I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
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