In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
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after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
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4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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