My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
