My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize