I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
