omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
