How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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