i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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