how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
