I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
