dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
farters have to be the big spoon...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
