I understand Curling. That high.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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