she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
