Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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