you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
