just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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