i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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