Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
