We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
