An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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