don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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