I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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