If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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