Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
